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What�s really hard is to write about things that are personal to you in here, because when you write it doesn�t stay personal unless you mark it private but if you mark it private then what is the point of an online diary of your own? Sure a Diary is supposed to be personal but its not� If someone knows you well enough they can crack the code of passwords I mark my case on this individual. I knew her well enough to crack her password. I know I�m invading personal space when I do something like what I did; yes I admit I have hacked into a few personal diaries. No names mentioned, although this isn�t what I really wanted to talk about. What I wanted to say was that it is hard to write in a diary about personal things about people who live right here, (former workers, former friends) because people have big mouths and gossip can lead into trouble. Far warning this entry is going to be directed to lots of people and my personal life. So I warn you now that this is between the diary, and me and maybe you and me. So read on if you wish.

The History of my Diaries

There isn�t much history of my diaries; other then I�ve had several down the line. I still have several down the line (three to be exact). I have nothing to hide now, (Tiredofsex), (sc) & (iamperfect, which all of you are reading if you are reading this). How did I get into Diaryland, a friend (HF) told me about it, she showed it to me I got a diary. The first diary I ever had was Jennx. You could go to it but it will be a blank diary, Andrew deleted it. And then it went on from there, I couldn�t ever find a diary that I liked, I went through lots of diaries, the people who have known me through Diaryland know this, it seemed like each week I was changing URL�s. Sometimes the questions were asked, Why? Why what? Why change diaries so often? Well I had lots of reasons, I ran away from lots of my problems. I tended to write so many personal things that people found them and it lead to problems. Friends found things I wrote about them, parents. You know it�s hard to know that a parent is reading about your life as you write it and living under the same roof with them is difficult. But it has now come down to this; I have found a new home. The diary you read now is my home. I haven�t abandoned it yet. But at times (several days of non-updating) it may seem that I have. Believe me I try to update every day. It�s just hard to update with my busy schedule of working, schooling and maintaining a social life. Through my writings I think, no, I know I have discovered myself in a better way, how many people can agree with me? Agree that writing is a way of self-discovery?

Yes I have discovered myself in many ways; I discovered that I miss my best friend that found me by following me towards H hall over an X-File t-shirt 10th grade year. Yes I still consider you one of my best friends besides my boyfriend. I wish things used to be the way they were before all this shit hit the fan. I miss a lot of things we used to do, the sleepovers for one thing. The X-File get together to watch X-Files and the little parties we threw. The one AM photo shoots. (Bob Jr. was torn up by one of the cats). I miss the three AM painting projects. The strange breakfast�s your mom would fix us in the morning (the eggs benedict was an interest concoction). I miss going to the movies and hanging out, our phone calls and AIM talks. I just miss you. But I seriously don�t miss Pete pissing on me.

There is a former person I used to work with, I worry about her, I have never been one of a Jesus Christ (fan) but for some reason she is looking towards him for help, I am a believer but to a certain degree, just don�t drop everything to become his pet. Because that is sure as hell what is happening, you are becoming something I wish for you not to do. I really wish you would just leave Kroger, leave kroger and find a job elsewhere away from the things that hurt you. You are far better then Kroger, just like everyone else who works there. I wish you would find a great man who will sweep you off your feet. Preferably a non-married man without a criminal record. And I wish you wouldn�t feel sorry about yourself, you are who you are and you�re a wonderful person. You just need to realize that.

This is way off my subject plan but last night I pulled something in my neck and by fucken god it hurts like a bitch to turn my head.

This isn�t everything I wanted to say�