| 04.14.2002-1:06 am
Tonight I realized something about myself other than that I enjoy changing my layout more than it needs to be changed. I feel that in order to feel happy about myself I need to see that other people like me for me and non other than me. I feel as though I need to be in a relationship in order to get that lonely feeling out of my system. It�s a feeling or dread and confusion that clouds my mind 24/7 when I�m not belonging to someone. And in order to find myself some happiness I either make people angry at one another or try to find them mates. For example today at work I was playing matchmaker. Meaning I was trying to find all the single people, people to date one another. It didn�t� work out well but it did subside my thoughts for a total of eight hours. But I myself was having some difficulty time trying to decide on a situation that I had no idea what to do about it. Well today I go the answer I was looking for. And now I know what to do with this situation. For once I�m trying to listen to what my heart has to tell me but it doesn�t beat loud enough for me to hear what it has to say so I have to judge myself on what I want and I know what I want now. I want him. Those of you who are reading this are probably thinking him who? Which him? Because I sure as hell have mentioned two him�s one being a boy the other being a man so I would like to think. All I will say is I know which him I want and that�s all that matters right? I just hope he�ll want me the way I want him.
"When you look at me, I can touch the sky, and know that I'm alive." |