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The White lie was about this entry it wasn't about who I said it was about. And she knows who she is. Do I take it back? Of course not. Why I am the way I am? That is one thing I cannot do. I cannot explain the way I am. More or less I cannot or will not explain who I am. I believe it is not just anyone�s business for me to say why I am the way I am. For where would I be if I did such a thing? Could I find some comfort in saying that this is I accept it? No because I always change. My moods change, my expressions change. I for one will not, and dreadfully will say that no matter who you are or what I am is of only my business. So if I want to ramble on in this diary as for kicks and giggles so are it. This is my sanctuary where I want to call a temporary home until I feel it the need to open up that chest of mine and express myself to the wonderful natures that the earth has set forth to us. So if I begin to ramble by saying oh what a day� do realize that this is my secret sanctuary that I have forbade it to be. You just have the privilege of sneaking by my way to find it. I wont run from it. I won�t hide from it. I�ll still write knowing that you know what I will write. For instants, tonight I want to write about� her. Who is her you wish to known. Her could be a number of people. For all you know her could be a he. And I just changed the conception of the name to confuse you. Has it worked yet? Have I confused you yet? No? All right but I did confuse myself. Shall I go on? Oh I must.

Tonight I bleed. Yes I�m bleeding, I�m bleeding inside. It�s that monthly cycle that I dread so dearly. But tonight I�m not dreading it. I dread it not for it was the only thing I had to look forward too. I only spotted for a few days the last month. I feared pregnancy. But I know differently now I bleed lots. I bleed the pain of the tearing of the uterus. Will you run to her and tell her now that I thought I might have been pregnant?

I dread a lot of things; I dread the time you spend with her. Do you know she makes me ill at the sound of her face or her voice? Especially when she speaks of his name in a manor such as a soul mate. For she is already assigned to a life partner. And I tell you not. I dreadfully hate you my dear. For one is slightly obsessed with he. I run from you because I cannot stand the obsession you have over him. My dear sweet child do you not realize that life goes on? Do you know that someone out there is for you he is not your one. He left you. Quit your obsession and find a new one. Hearing you speak of his name is tearing my eardrums in half. I do not go around wishing and hoping to hear from him. I do not wish to speak with him as much as you do. Yes he is a friend a friend I love but you are obsessed. Please take into consideration my pleads. Find a new obsession. Or is he just an infatuation?